Since ugly Christmas sweater parties are all the ironic rage, I went on a hunt for couples’ combinations. I’m sure there’s still time to pay double the price to get them before Christmas. If not, perhaps some readers will be inspired to pin this to a “Tacky romantic must-haves for Christmas 2017,” Pinterest list. Now you can express your love, cohesion, and bad taste in one social setting.
I have added my own descriptive labels.
- The “Newlywed” Christmas Sweater. This is for the couple who is still under the influence of a brain-induced love cocktail, thus clouding their vision of how nauseating their outward expression is to those around them. If this sweater is sold out, you can make an even more impressive version with a photo of your love connection. Print the words, “All I want for Christmas is,” and insert photo. To add more “blech,” value, add the words, “This guy (or gal),” at the bottom.
- The “Enmeshment” Christmas Sweater. Marriage and family therapists love this term, indicating too much closeness in family systems. Don’t wear one of these to marriage therapy unless you want to earn a label soaked in psychobabble. This sweater is perfect unless you want to walk in opposite directions. For couples who are really in love, this will not be a problem, because they will be able to accurately mind read every move their partners are about to make, in addition to deciphering every unspoken emotional need.
- The “You Complete Me” Christmas Sweater. A DIY project guaranteed to generate couple closeness. Just be strategic about which part of the reindeer represents your better half.
- The “Communications Problem” Christmas Sweater. An homage to the most common reason for seeking marriage therapy. Also, technically a sweatshirt. If you don’t understand the meaning at first, look closer at the “What,” gingerbread man’s head. It took me a minute. I’m pretty sure my husband wishes he could use that excuse.
- The “Light Me Up” Christmas Sweater. Can be used as an across the room signaling device in addition to being an excellent marital metaphor.
- The “Let Your Freak Flag Fly” Christmas Sweater. Because what husband does not want to use glitter, glue and additional craft décor to assemble an exceedingly heinous vesture?
- The “Simple Yet Definitive” Christmas Sweater. Again, technically a sweatshirt, for the couple who wants to make an understated statement.
If you’re not brave enough to don matching sweaters, consider matching Ugly Christmas Socks. Then, you can work your way up to the ultimate in holiday wear–The Gaudy Holiday Suit by OppoSuits. Because OppoSuits attract!
Until my next post, have a happy holiday and merry mind-reading of your partner’s emotional needs!
Photo credit: Copyright: <a href=’http://www.123rf.com/profile_gpointstudio’>gpointstudio / 123RF Stock Photo</a>